Tonight I felt like I needed to write. I wanted to tell everyone about Jeremiah. I want to say how much we've grown as a family. We loved Jeremiah before we got him. I can say I truly did. When I first saw him it was LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!! I couldn't believe we had him in our arms...it was pure joy. When we got home it got hard though. I can't explain it...post adoption depression? Jetlag? Transition from a fairly independent 4 year old to a 10 month old baby requiring constant attention? Trying to figure out said 10 month old baby...why does he throw up all his food? Blow outs, crying, clingy, trying to do everything the "right" way for an adopted child, give Emmy attention, feel guilty for Emmy not getting attention, feel guilty letting Jeremiah cry for 10 seconds, etc. It was a rough few weeks.
We have really gotten in a groove now though. I don't believe in jinks' so I won't knock on wood. :D I know we'll still have our moments (with two you have those moments) but really I feel like our family has grown close in the past few weeks. I can say how much more my love has grown for Jeremiah. Although adopting is so different than having a biological child in so many ways it is also the same. I loved Emmy so much more at 6 months than I did at 3 months. Again much more at 3 years than at one year. My love for her just continued to grow...I can already tell it's the same with Jeremiah. We as parents love our children the more we get to know them...the more we pray for them...the more we allow God to work in us and through us to these little ones He put in our lives and hearts.
I was thinking about this because of how much my love has grown for Jeremiah. Everyday I learn more about our little boy and think about the life he had before us. The trials he endured at such a young age...and the trials he will endure later too. Rocking him to sleep tonight I was so caught off guard by my emotions...thinking he had never been rocked to sleep the way I rock him...that he probably never had someone sing to him the way I sing to him...that he didn't have someone love him the way I love him. It broke my heart thinking my son missed out on this. Then it broke my heart even more knowing so many are missing out on these moments.
Oh Lord, arise, defend the fatherless. Let them feel your lovingkindness!!
We know God calls us to love and care for orphans. God calls each of us to that in different ways. If we feel the Lord nudging us toward adoption and we are scared that is normal. In fact I don't know one person who hasn't been scared to adopt. We just need to trust that if God is leading us to adoption to then follow Him and trust. We love the children He has entrusted to us...We love them because love is a choice...an action...not a feeling. The feelings come after obedience. Pray and when you know God is saying "yes...I have a child for you through adoption." Pray some more...and trust. He has an amazing blessing for you...He wants to grow you...stretch you...bless you! We are blessed, and in love with our boy. :D
Beautifully said Becca. And, yes, I still read your blog!
ReplyDelete:-) Amie
My words exactly Amie! :) Becca you really communicate so well what you are going thru. Love you!
ReplyDeleteBecca, Thank you for sharing from your heart. Jeremiah is such a beautiful,adorable boy!I rejoice with you in all that God has done in your lives!I will be praying for you as you continue to settle into life as a family of four! It is always and adjustment. I would love to see you when you visit. May God continue to bless your family as you seek Him.
ReplyDeleteLove, Sarah