Sweet boy...Tonight is a big night. At about 8pm our case, your case, will go before a judge in Ethiopia. Assuming logistics are all in order he will decide to pass us and allow us to come get you soon or deny us and we'll have another court date in a couple weeks which will delay us getting to hold you.
We are fasting, praying, reading God's word, and praying some more. We are anxiously waiting to hear the decision. I am so full of emotions I almost feel overwhelmed by them...by the intensity of them. I love you so much. I don't know how you like to be held, or what your favorite toy is or what makes you laugh...but I love you!! I have never doubted I could love a child I did not birth but I have to say I am surprised by the intensity of my love for you...without seeing you yet! I knew once I saw you and held you I would grow to love you but my love for you grew when we started this process.
It really is so much like carrying a child in your womb. Your sister Emmy was a surprise to us. We thought we would do the "5 year" plan. Didn't work out. I was 8 weeks pregnant on our first anniversary! What a unexpected BLESSING she is! At first I was nervous though...my love for her was so small. Boy did it grow! Just like with you...when we turned in the paperwork for you and rushed around getting everything done my love was there...but small.
I started feeling Emmy kick inside me...it was amazing. Every kick, and every movement or picture (ultrasound) I got I grew to love her more and more. Jeremiah...it is the same with you, except with more intensity. Every email I got from our coordinator, or every letter I got my love grew. Pregnant or paper pregnant it really doesn't matter...there are ups and downs and really all we want is that beautiful baby to show his/her face. We got our referral call and I was freaking out! I saw your picture (much clearer than an ultrasound) and my love grew by the thousands!
When Emmy came into this world it was a miracle! It was a beautiful miracle...And I know when I hold you and you come into MY world it will also be a miracle. Your life is a miracle. God's hand has been on your life in so many ways that we will share with you when you are older. For now sweet child...just know that I love you. Mommy loves you and am going CRAZY thinking we may meet you in a couple weeks! :D
"Not flesh of my flesh nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Just remember, Jeremiah, you didn't grown under my heart but in it!"